The Benefits of Group Therapy Even after 35 years of doing therapy, I’m still surprised by society’s narrow conception of the field. It seems that the traditional picture of a therapist listening to her patient on the leather couch is still what comes to most peoples’ mind when they think of therapy. While it’s true that one-on-one counseling is very common, this image misses out on a great deal of what therapeutic environments have to offer. For people looking to work on relationship issues, improve their interpersonal skills, or even just reinvigorate their sense of personal growth, there are a variety of approaches out there. Many look less like the traditional image of therapy and more like, well, real life. One of the more exciting options, and most misunderstood, is group therapy. One of my patients, after finishing a group, came up to me and described how the group experience had far exceeded her…

An Empty Nest You celebrate when your child receives a college acceptance letter or gets the first job they’ve been hoping for after high school. Furniture is passed on, new sheets are purchased, and you help them move into their new apartment or dorm room. A last kiss on the cheek, a long hug, and then you’re back on the road, going to an empty home. After eighteen-plus years of being a mother or a father, that first step into a childless home can be many things: heart-rending, challenging, exciting or perhaps just lonely. What do you do now? All parents will one day have to confront the silence of an empty nest. And yet, we know that mothers and fathers deal with the experience in different ways. Fathers, who may have been more removed from their children’s lives due to their careers, tend to want to establish a closer relationship with their grown…

Breaking Old Patterns: Productive Pathways of Communication How many people get into an argument with a family member and then turn to a friend, child or parent for comfort? We all have. After expressing our frustrations to someone else, it seems easier to return to the offender in a calm frame of mind. For the moment, our tension has lessened. Here’s a hypothetical situation: Bill has a tough day at work, and when he arrives home, he brings his frustration with him to his family life. Jane, his wife, perceives him as grumpy and distant. Not knowing the cause of Bill’s mood, Jane talks to her best friend, complaining that her relationship is not as intimate as she desires. Jane might feel better after her talk, but nothing has been solved. Bill continues to come home grumpy, and Jane keeps turning to her friend in frustration. Eventually, as dissatisfaction builds, talking to a friend…

Want a More Meaningful Relationship? Try Better Communication for a Better New Year As we move into the New Year, people often try to tackle old problems. If realizing a more meaningful relationship is on your list, here’s something to focus your renewed determination on: a new way to argue. Yes, I know that doesn’t sound too promising. Arguing doesn’t seem to be the meaningful part of a relationship. We usually associate blame, hurt, and anger with our fights, not meaning and authenticity. However, while a good argument may not leave the participants happy, each partner can feel that he or she was listened to and understood. Being listened to and understood amidst anger, hurt, and blame? Now that’s the foundation for a meaningful relationship. I remember, when I was very young, getting into a fight over the shape of a cloud in the sky. My friend insisted it was a rabbit, while I…

Find the Love You Want Ever heard the phrase, “If you really loved me, you would know what I want!” How about, “If you really loved me, we wouldn’t fight so much!” I’d be surprised if you hadn’t. Movies, friends, books, and television all send us the same message: romantic love is its own magic. When we “love” strongly enough, everything will be perfect. Following this logic, anyone who loves baseball could play in the Major Leagues. Sort of silly, isn’t it? Outside of fairy tales, we all know that doing something well takes more than just desire – it takes skills and practice. Our culture misleads us by suggesting relationships are an exception to reality. This myth can make us overly critical of our partners or ourselves when we encounter rough patches. We may begin to wonder if we don’t love each other enough, when perhaps the only things missing are the proper…

Stress Reduction can be a Big Factor in a Healthier You Waiting in your doctor’s office for your annual checkup is a little bit like psyching yourself up for a job interview. A busy person’s about to walk through that door and give you 10 minutes to tell her how you feel. With game time a few minutes away, you begin to organize the facts in your head. “OK, I need get the blood tests run, tell my doctor about the headaches and lower back pain, and make sure I get that cyst in my arm checked out. Got to make sure I stay healthy.” Healthy. For most of us, what “healthy” really means is that we’re surviving. Move us from the doctor’s office to a friend’s couch, and the truth about how we really feel starts to come out. “I wake up stressed out about work. I’m tired in the afternoon. I can…

The American Body Image Who hasn’t wanted to be listed in “America’s 50 sexiest people”? To look a little bit more like Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, or Jennifer Anniston? Often it feels like society pressures people to look good. We get products, diets, and treatments pushed at us each day. It’s no surprise that most of us are mildly dissatisfied with our appearance. Recently, I’ve been asking people what bothers them the most about their bodies. The number of answers that came back to me was amazing. For one person, it was the shape of his nose, for another, the flabbiness of his stomach; one woman hated her skin, while another just couldn’t get her hair the way she wanted it. It seems that we all have something we don’t like about how we look. But for most of us, it’s an occasional thing. We glance in the mirror, give a sigh…